Title: "It's
Curtains for You, Curtains!"
Author: twinsarein
Email: twinsarein@gmail.com
Rating: R
Challenge: CLFF Wave #33 –
Clichés: Curtain fic
Notes: For those readers
for whom English isn't their native language, the title is a play on
words. Curtains can also be
slang for an ending/death. If
anyone has a better suggestion for a title, please feel free. Also, this is an all-dialogue
story. Betaed by ctbn60
Summary: Clark can't keep
his heat vision under control, and he's suspicious that Lex likes it that way.
“Why do we have to do this, Lex? You have servants that do these things
for you.”
“I’m surprised at you, Clark! Wanting someone else to do things for
you doesn’t seem very Kentish.”
“Yeah…but, Lex…curtains? Why do we have to shop for curtains?”
“Because a certain someone keeps burning ours off
their rods, that’s why. I’ve
had to disable the smoke detector in our bedroom.”
“Well, if you didn’t do that thing with your
tongue…”
“That’s beside the point.”
“What is the point then?”
“You need to learn to control your heat vision
under all conditions.”
“I think you like making me lose control…”
“Oh, look, Clark. An old woman needs help crossing the
street.”
“That was fast.”
“She didn’t need help.
“Oh?”
“She hit me over the head with her purse, Lex.”
*snicker* “I
know. I saw.”
“Are you laughing at me?”
“Of course not. Look, we’re here.”
“Oh, God. I
still can’t believe we’re doing this. Who
buys curtains anymore? Don’t
they just come with the house and you leave them there when you move for the
next people?”
“Apparently not. Stop whining about this. We’re doing it. Maybe if you have to spend some time
searching for the things, you’ll stop burning them up.”
“I get why I’m here, I guess. Why are you doing this?”
“I have to live with your choice. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you
come home with a set of plaid curtains or something that clashes with the color
of the walls.”
“Man, how gay are you?”
…
“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Stop looking at me like that.”
+++++
“Jeez, Lex, I can’t believe it took us three hours
and five stores to find some curtains we both like. Why didn’t we buy all they had so we
don’t have to go shopping like this again?”
“Incentive. If we don’t have spares, maybe that’ll
help you control yourself.”
“I still say you like it when…”
“Is that another paparazzi?”
“What? Where? Good grief, they’re coming out of the
woodwork today. Literally. There.”
“What did you do, Clark?”
“I gave him a hotfoot and ruined his film. I can’t believe the nerve of these
guys. Such as that woman
inside this last place, for example. Why would we be looking for new and
creative places to have sex in a curtain store?!”
“Well…there was that time in the Lawn and Garden
section of the store in Granville.”
“God, yes! The
things we could do on a riding lawn mower…but, no one knew about that. The place was deserted. I checked.”
…
“Lex?”
“Clark, look over there! There’s a…”
“Lex! That
isn’t going to work again. Tell
me.”
*sigh* “I never told you about the clip on
YouTube, did I?”
…
“Clark? Clark,
you need to start walking again. With
your hands on your hips like that you’re going to give your secret identity
away.”
“How…why…I can’t believe…aargh! What the hell, Lex? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Let me think. It might have been to try and prevent
the brain aneurism you’re about to have.”
“You still should have told me. I’m never going to be able to look at
my mother without blushing again!”
“Oh please, Clark. Stop being so melodramatic, for god’s
sake. It was YouTube, the
site of lousy resolution. Remember? No one could tell it was us. It wasn’t even as if your face was
visible during most of it, given what you were doing with your mouth that day.”
“Yeah…. That
was a good day.”
“Wipe that ridiculous smile off your face,
Clark. You’re scaring the
kids we’re passing.”
“Fine, but you’re going to make it up to me after
we get home and hang the curtains.”
“You can be such a baby.”
“You withheld information I should've had,
Lex. We agreed not to do
that anymore. So, you owe
me.”
“Fine.”
+++++
“Damn it, Clark! Not again!”
…
“What? Why
are you smirking at me, Clark?”
“You’re smiling.”
“Am not.”
“Are to.”
“D2.”
“Geek.”
“Alien.”
“I love you.”
“I know. I
love you too.”
“You realize that we’ll be shopping for curtains
again tomorrow, right?”
“Yes, damn it. This time, though, we’re buying a
truckload of the things.”
“Deal.”
“You’re smiling again. You do like making me burn up the
curtains. Admit it.”
“I’ll never admit to having such a crass desire.”
“What if I make it interesting?”
“How?”
“If you can’t make me burn up sixteen sets of
curtains in the next two weeks, I’ll stop trying to make you admit you secretly
like being able to make me lose control.”
“Sixteen?”
“Once a day and twice on Sundays.”
“It doesn’t sound like there’s any benefit to me
winning this bet, only losing.”
“Mmmhmm, but if you win…”
“Yes?”
“You know that thing I do with my fingers?”
"Yes, but you do that anyway, so I still
don't see the benefits."
"Mmmm, but if you win, next time I'll do it
with my tongue."
…
“Lex, what are you doing down there?”
“Practicing for when we have curtains again.”
“Pract…Oh, God!”
“Hmm, you’ve never melted anything before.”