Title: Making The Most Of Your Quarter-Life Crisis

Author: Azrielle Jones

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own any Smallville/DC characters. No harm intended.

Notes: AU in which Lex doesn't go back to Smallville after the meteor shower. Written for Wave 30 of the CLFF Challenge, February 2009. The line was: "Good night. Or, if you wish, good morning. I shall never say goodbye." – Marie Antoinette, 1938

Summary: Lex wants more from life, but in the meantime, he'll have a latte.

And you may find yourself

behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself

in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife

And you may ask yourself:

"Well, how did I get here?"

-David Byrne, Brian Eno

When Lex graduated from Princeton with a BS in biochemical engineering (after a brief stint at Met-U), he figured he'd spend a year under his father's wing at Luthorcorp and then start his own company. Business has always been is easy for Lex, and while not very exciting, it's time-consuming.

Before he knows it, one year becomes six and Lex finds himself in the wake of this youth.

Lex looks out the glass wall of his substantial office on the 40^th floor of Luthorcorp Towers in the heart of downtown Metropolis. The sky is a brilliant blue and the sun is warm on his face. The city is comic book bright with color, the people small, ant-like, alive. Run-down domestic cars idle in traffic with sleek new imports while girls in skirts and heels bump into rugged boys. Everyone's hands are full of notebooks, iPods, coffee.

Lex wants a coffee.

He strides to his desk and dials his father's extension. Julie, the secretary, answers.

"Good morning, Mr. Luthor, your father's in a meeting. Would you like me to leave a message?"

"Thank you Julie, just tell him I went for coffee."

"Anything else, sir?"

Lex feels the spring sun soaking into his suit jacket from behind. A ray catches the crystal prism of a paper weight, throwing tiny rainbows around the room. Lex picks up the weight, rolling it in his hand.

"Yes." He turns back to the window, holding the crystal up to the light. It's beautiful. "I quit."

There's a pause, then: "I'll make sure your father gets the message, sir." Lex thanks Julie and places the phone back in the base.

Lex takes the sky bridge across the street to Luthorcorp Plaza. After a long elevator ride up, Lex is at his penthouse door, sliding the keycard and disarming the alarm.

The penthouse is a lot like the office: impersonal, opulent, austere. In the six years he's lived here it's never felt like home.

In the closet, Lex uproots a large canvas duffel bag from his athletic gear. Then, for the first time he can remember, he packs. It's always been done for him, often before he even knows he's going anywhere.

He bypasses the suits and oxfords, instead grabbing tees and polo shirts from college and semi casual occasions. He changes out of his present attire, leaving the jacket, silk shirt, tie and loafers in a heap on the bedroom floor. After stepping into jeans, he pulls on a grey Princeton Tigers tee and comfortable sneakers.

Lex excavates his favorite comics from under the bed and plucks a few framed photos from the dresser top, sliding them into the duffle between layers of clothes. His toiletries are few: toothbrush and paste, deodorant, cologne.

The elevator ride seems faster on the way down and Lex is on the busy sidewalk in a blink. The sun feels unfamiliar and welcome on his bare head and arms. Sunglasses in place and duffel over his shoulder, Lex walks.

Maple and elm trees line the brick sidewalks and cobblestone streets, and without a cloud in the sky, the sun to shines through the leaves like stained glass.

Away from downtown and still a few miles from campus, this part of the city is unfamiliar to Lex. Each neighborhood is its own little planet in the greater galaxy of Metropolis. The houses here are nice, but too old and unique for the "conventionally wealthy" and too funky for the "average" family.

It's after noon and Lex is getting tired. He's walked a long way and believes it to be destiny when his shoelace comes untied at a corner coffee shop. He ties it, takes off his sunglasses and goes inside.

The smell of the coffee, rich and dark hits him first, followed by the spicy cloves-and-cinnamon scent of baked goods.

It's certainly noisier than his empty penthouse or office but not overwhelmingly so. There's random clattering from the kitchen area and the whirr of machines up front. Only a few other customers are scattered about, some on laptops alone, some chatting in small groups. Background music plays over the sound system and Lex can make out the tail end of an old Joy Division song.

The walls are brick and the art is local, perhaps even from the neighborhood: mostly photographs with a few canvas paintings here and there. The tables and chairs are all different shapes and sizes, with plates and mugs eccentrically mismatched to match.

Lex sets his duffel down by a table in the corner near a front window. He rubs his sore shoulder and heads to the counter.

The overhead menu is massive, written in multicolored chalk and various handwriting and Lex spends what could be a full minute staring up at it. He's running through all the different size/type/flavor permutations when the world's most handsome barista pops up from behind the counter, wiping his hands on a short black apron.

Lex is as startled as he is awed. Black, shaggy hair, big eyes, bigger lips. And with a toothpaste ad smile as wide as the Grand Canyon as he asks:

"What can I get for you?"

Lex gapes.

"Would you like to try the special today?" He points to a smaller sandwich board to Lex's right.

Lex can almost make out the words "iced" and "shot" and then the rest of the board is taken over by what looks to be a chalk rendering of a kraken capsizing an old Spanish galleon.

The barista is still smiling when Lex looks back up and it's so bright wishes he'd kept his sunglasses on.

Lex nods. "Sounds… wonderful."

He pays with a twenty and puts the change in the tip jar, then returns to his seat, making a point of turning the chair so he can watch… his drink being made.

Lex jerks suddenly when his phone vibrates and he bashes a knee into the table. It's more awkward than painful and Lex answers the call on the second ring.

"Alexander, what's this about telling my secretary you've quit?" His father rumbles across the line.

"Hey, Dad," Lex's gaze slides lazily from the barista to the perfect spring day outside and he can't help but smile. "Sorry about that, but you were in a meeting. I would have given two week's notice but I just didn't see the point."

"Son, really, you can't just leave your life on a whim!"

Lex rolls his eyes at the phone and glances back to the counter.

The barista smiles and ducks his head, caught at watching him back.

Lex smirks.

"I'm not leaving my life, Dad," He drawls. "I'm starting it."

Lex's order is finished and the barista heads to the table with it. Lex relishes his approach.

"And I won't be returning to the penthouse."

"What are you planning to do, Lex?"

"Not sure yet. Maybe I'll clone things," Lex considers. "Or build a death ray."

Lionel scoffs. "And where are you going to go?"

"I'll let you know when I get there."

Lex disconnects the call and pockets the phone.

The barista sets his drink on a napkin, blushing and endearingly contrite.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

Lex's smile is easy and open. "Don't worry about it." He takes a sip of the lightly flavored iced coffee and hums appreciatively. "This is excellent."

"Thanks," The barista turns to head back to the counter, then half-turns back. "So…" Shy, polite interest that may just be server/customer banter, but could be something else. "Are you going anywhere exciting?"

Lex looks out the window again as a light breeze shifts the elms and couple rides by on vintage bicycles. Around the coffee shop, girls with cat-eye glasses are giggling at boys handing out band flyers. Then Lex's eyes sweep up from the black apron to the green eyes of the barista. He says:

"No. I think I'll stay."

"Oh, well if you need anything, I'm Clark."

"Lex."

"I'm interested to hear more about that death ray," Clark bites his lip adorably before retreating back to the counter. Nearly there, he turns again: "Welcome to the neighborhood!"

Lex thinks he's going to like it here.

Lex plucks a "For Rent" flyer from the corkboard at the coffee house and thus finds his new apartment: a vine-covered brownstone eight blocks down the street. The modest building has two floors with two apartments on each. For the most part it seems clean enough, though in need of repairs.

Walking up the porch steps, Lex finds his path blocked by a cat emitting a low growl on the other side of the screen door. It gets louder as he approaches and he sets his duffel bag down and takes a step back.

It's quieter. A step forward: louder.

Then he just goes for it, hand on the door and hoping to open it quickly and avoid the cat without incident. To his dismay, the latch sticks and the cat yowls and bats at him through the screen. The longer he stands there, trying to open the door, the sound becomes more of a cold-blooded wail and the batting turns to thrashing.

Lex imagines this is just one of many battles to fight in the labyrinth of evil that renting an apartment entails. He's picturing himself opening the door, stepping over the cat and falling straight into a pit where his next challenge is to defeat a rancor like the one that lived beneath Jabba's throne room-

When a broom swoops out of nowhere, scaring the cat away.

"Bad cat! Go!" The broom-brandishing woman shouts. She opens the stuck door with ease, giving Lex a critical once-over. "You here for the room?"

"Yes Ma'am, I-"

"It's yours." She ushers Lex inside. "Damn cat scares everyone away. Nobody stay long enough for me to answer the door!"

A quick pass through the foyer and the names above the mail boxes inform Lex that Chen, V. lives in #1, Bloom, Ira lives in #2, and Lane, Lois lives in #3.

They head upstairs where Mrs. Chen shows Lex apartment #4: a two bedroom one bath with hardwood floors and large windows. It's worn and dirty from neglect, but instead of peeling paint and dust bunnies, Lex sees potential.

Back downstairs in apartment #1, Lex and Mrs. Chen have tea, and Lex signs the lease. He tries to pay for it all at once, but the elderly woman insists that first and last month's rent is fine. She's just glad to have strong young man around, especially since her husband died and their son left for college many years earlier.

Upon seeing his solitary duffel bag, Mrs. Chen informs Lex that he is welcome to any furniture in the basement left by her son and other tenants, as long as he can get it up the stairs himself.

Lex could easily order all new furniture, or have his own brought over from the penthouse, but he likes a challenge.

The basement is dirtier than anywhere he's ever been and creepier than he'll ever admit, but Lex ends up finding a lot of useful things. A bed frame, a small dinette set, coffee table, a few odd lamps and an old couch that's as heavy and awkward as it is comfortable. He manages to get all of it to the second floor apartment except the couch.

Lex orders a mattress over the phone, and when it's delivered, he pays the movers handsomely to help him get the couch up from the basement. Afterwards, he spends the afternoon cleaning, only taking a break when Mrs. Chen invites him down for dinner.

She feeds him the best meal he's had in a long time (and the only home-cooked one he can remember since his mother's death) and sends him back upstairs with a week's worth of leftovers.

Late evening finds Lex on his back on the floor in the middle of his new living room. He stares up at the lopsided ceiling fan as it moves spring air in from the open windows. The kitchen faucet drips in time with the relaxing beat of his heart.

He's covered in dirt and cobwebs, smells like pine sol and bleach and is sore in places he hasn't been in a long time.

He smiles.

This is different than other things he's worked hard for, other things he's achieved. He's proud of himself in a way he's never had the opportunity to be before.

He has no idea what to do next and he's completely exhausted.

He's happy.

Lex can't believe he's lived so long without ever having been to a thrift shop or flea market. Lucky for him, the neighborhood is full of them and Lex brings home all kinds of interesting and useful swag: brightly colored place settings, a shower curtain with the table of elements and a pair of purple Chuck Taylors (which Lex wears constantly) to name only a few. Discovering these unique tchotchkes satisfies Lex in a way that cars, jets, or yachts never did.

While Lex's new life is definitely more domestic, it's certainly not boring.

One afternoon, Lex comes home to find a commotion coming from apartment #2.

He hears a cacophony of sounds: Traveling Antique Showcase on the TV at full blast, Mr. Bloom's gruff tenor calling for "Jerry", an unknown female shouting "It's too high!", another voice screeching "Lady! Hey Lady!" and Mrs. Chen yelling in incomprehensible Chinese.

Since they clearly seem to have everything under control, Lex doesn't sneak so much as walk briskly past the open door.

"Lex!" He's spotted right away by Mrs. Chen and doesn't make it far. He has no choice but to enter the pandemonium.

Mrs. Chen and a young, brown haired woman appear to be trying to coax that heinous orange cat from the top of a rickety, knick-knack covered bookshelf. Mr. Bloom is still shouting in the other end of the apartment, and Lex is about to investigate when a white bird flies in from the kitchen.

Lex has found that most chaotic situations use the same algorithm. He quickly closes the door, turns off the blaring TV, and gently guides the women aside, eliminating the distractions. Now he has to solve for X, which is catching the bird.

The cat however, is a variable, and while he has almost zero experience with them, his first instinct is to get oven mitts from the kitchen.

Lex is just tall enough to reach the top of the teetering shelf and just fast enough to grab the cat before it scrunches further into the corner. It's angry (as usual) and wriggling and it hisses like something unholy nearly causing Lex to knock down a shelf of commemorative plates.

But he gets it down and the cat flails wildly as Lex holds it out at arm's length. After forever, the young woman steps forward and takes the cat from him. It melts into her, purring and pleased as punch. She shifts it to one side, extending her free hand.

"Lois Lane."

Lex contemplates leaving the mitt on, but while hilarious, it would be impolite. He removes it and they shake firmly and briefly.

"Lex Luthor."

The bird squawks from the other side of the room, and Lex remembers he's not quite done saving the day.

"If you'll excuse us, ladies, Mr. Bloom and I have a bird to catch." He ushers the women from apartment #2 and into the hall.

Lois is shocked at being mollified, but then she turns to Mrs. Chen with a shark's grin. She wants tea and gossip about the new tenant and knows Mrs. Chen can provide both.

Bird wrangling isn't the challenge Lex expects. The sulfur crested cockatoo pretty much flies into the cage once the cat is gone.

"That cat's a son of a bitch." Mr. Bloom grouses, plucking a bottle of bourbon from the credenza. "Sometimes it just skulks outside the door, waiting for me to open it like it did today!"

Mr. Bloom offers Lex a drink and hand of canasta. One drink becomes a few, and canasta becomes poker, and before Lex knows it, it's late and his sides hurt from laughing at the old man's stories.

"Thank you for the drinks, Ira, but I should be heading upstairs." Lex lists to one side after he stands, but steadies himself on the bird's cage.

Mr. Bloom stands as well. "Christ look at the time. It's time for Jerry and I need to turn in!"

"Jerry?" Lex looks at the preening cockatoo. It bobs his head strangely at him.

"Yeah, Jerry Lewis!" Mr. Bloom reaches into his shirt pocket, tossing a pinch of sunflower seeds into the cage. "He's a great bird. Aren't you, Jerry?"

"Hey lady!" Jerry chatters, and Lex breaks into another round of aching laughter.

It feels good.

Reading the newspaper on the front stoop of his building is much more enjoyable than it was from the top of Luthorcorp Plaza. For one thing, the people watching is superior.

In the mornings, high-schoolers cram into beat-up clown cars, picking up every friend on the block while the college crowd zips by on bicycles. The younger kids, behind all the rest, waddle to school in little duck lines and chatty moms follow with strollers in packs of twos and threes.

Lex waves to them.

They wave back, then huddle together and giggle like girls.

When he finishes reading everything (except the business section), Lex has breakfast and watches Name That Price with Mr. Bloom. After, they play chess and Lex asks about his life, like his time in the army, or when he tended bar to pay for college.

The stories are vivid with detail and gesticulation, but more than anything, Lex likes the lack of metaphor and moral. They're just stories for the sake of the telling, with no hidden agendas or deeper meanings like in his father's verbose allegories.

When Lex leaves apartment #2, Mrs. Chen catches him. He begins to suspect she watches through the peephole for him.

He spends a lot of the day fixing things. The wobbly banister, burned out lights, leaky pipes and the sticky front latch are just a few of the endless repairs of which the building is in dire need. Lex's many trips to the hardware store have initiated him into the group of men that frequent it. He gets his supplies and more often than not, stays to watch a bit of whatever game is on, enjoying being accepted as "just one of the guys".

When his chores are complete, Lex and Mrs. Chen drink tea and play mahjong. She's a harder book to read than Mr. Bloom, but Lex gets a few stories about a difficult life in China that became a happy one here in Kansas.

While Lex loves helping Mrs. Chen, his favorite times are those when he can sneak away from the building in the afternoon.

He explores the neighborhood on foot: down the streets and alleys, under the trees and through open lots, in the sun, in the shade. Lex finds he loves walking and being outside and almost never mourns the cars sitting in the underground garage of Luthorcorp Plaza.

Sometimes, Lex goes to the library or the park, but his walks usually lead to his favorite part of the neighborhood, the first stop being the comic shop. He browses mostly and occasionally eavesdrops on the Magic tournament.

Finally, he decides on an issue and takes it across the street to the coffee house.

When Lex enters, Clark smiles and asks if he'll have "the usual". Lex still doesn't know exactly what it is, but nods anyway and Clark starts making it.

Lex sits at his usual corner table and switches between watching Clark work and reading the day's comic.

When it's ready, Clark brings the drink to the table and Lex can't help but notice the other customers have to go up and get their own.

He definitely keeps his mouth shut about this.

Clark sits next to Lex instead of on the other side of the table. Sometimes he leans in close when he talks and sometimes their knees brush. Lex loves these times. They make his heart kick just a little and he can feel a flush climb his neck.

To Lex's surprise, Clark is a fellow fan of comics and they have countless conversations about superheroes. Clark believes that heroes should only use their powers for good and Lex admits that if he had powers he'd probably devote entire days to making heat vision toast.

Every once in a while, a co-worker comes over to ask if Clark can help with the rush, prompting Clark to take off his apron and declare himself "on break". His firm tone only wavers slightly and it makes Lex hot all over.

He flirts shamelessly with Clark until his cheeks hurt from smiling, and Clark returns every glance, every quip, every smirk.

It's the high point of Lex's days.

The low point is when Lex runs into The Orange Menace. Much to his horror, this happens daily. The cat appears out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of Lex every time. It's always growling and thrashing and only stops when Lois is around. Then it's hateful eyes get big and wobbly like a cartoon and it purrs like a muscle car. Lex prefers the change in attitude, but most times he would rather not run into Lois, either.

And with her, it's literal. Coming or going, day or night Lex always seems to be colliding headlong into her, especially when she's on the phone or with a lighter halfway to her unlit cigarette. She collides with him full-on like an offensive lineman and usually doesn't notice. Other times she's packed like a mule, messenger bag on the hip, purse over the shoulder, work attaché in one hand, lava-hot coffee in the other and forcing him into the wall for fear of scalding, trampling or both.

Lex has stopped being stunned that such a slight woman can contain so much strength. And audacity.

Sometimes it's easier to imagine her as a cyborg: incapable of human emotions and needing to re-fuel on only tobacco. Lex is sure one day Lois will figure out a way to inhale smoke and talk at the same time. Until then, she has to settle for doing these things in tandem. She makes long-winded phone calls down in the courtyard and as soon as Lex hears her thundering down the stairs, he opens his courtyard-facing window and eavesdrops.

Listening to Lois is like one of those sleazy, cheesy teen dramas that sometimes comes through on Ira's bunny ears, and Lex is unnervingly addicted.

From what he's been able to glean, Lois talks to Chloe (her best friend?) more than anyone. Highlights include Lois's shiny new Prius: "It has a coffee holder, but no ashtray!", and (her boyfriend?) Steve: "He mostly sleeps all day, which is kind of annoying and I think he might be coming down with something, but I'm busy I just don't have time for his shit, you know?"

Sometimes there are long pauses and Lex guesses Chloe must be at least as feisty and loquacious as Lois.

They also talk about their jobs at the Daily Planet: "If Perry sticks me on one more obit, I'll be writing his next! At least you get real articles!"

And more often, they discuss someone nick-named 'Smallville': "He was late meeting us for lunch again, Chlo! He finally stumbled into the quad like a windswept scarecrow… It is too funny… I know he has a part-time job, but it can't interfere with his life this much. The geek can barely function!"

Lex feels bad for Smallville. The name alone brings up unpleasant memories of near-death and hair loss, but he becomes Lex's favorite character in Lois's melodrama. He's apparently clueless, awkward, clumsy and Lex can't help but assume he's nothing special to look at. He imagines the pudgy kid, Cecil, that got picked on most (after himself) in boarding school.

Lex's heart breaks every time Lois actually calls Smallville. Whenever she wants something, he makes it happen.

"Prius needs an oil change and I don't want to leave her with strangers, so could you do it? You're the best!"

"I couldn't do that term paper because there was a new episode of Love and Doctors, and you know I can't miss it – oh you will? You're the best!"

"Ok, so Steve has a doctor's appointment and I can't take him because I'm getting a facial. No, it was the only time they could fit me in for a whole week! Anyway, he'd love to see you- You're the best!"

Lex doesn't know what's worse: that Lois asks these things of Smallville or that he does them.

It reminds him of his father and the endless hoops he had to jump through for any scrap of attention, praise, or love. Each had a price higher than the last and Lex simply got tired of paying for it.

When a system of spring storms roll in, Lois stops smoking and talking in the courtyard and it feels like Lex's favorite soap opera is canceled.

With his to-do list growing exponentially, Lex spends the rainy days putting buckets under leaks and re-attaching the gutters when they give up and fall off side of the building.

Rain or shine, however, Lex ventures to get his coffee (Clark) fix, hands in his pockets and hood up on his sweatshirt.

After a few days of rain, Mrs. Chen corners him in the foyer. With a devilish look in her eye, she asks:

"Where this boy you keep sneaking out to visit? Why don't you invite him for dinner?"

Lex is momentarily stunned for many reasons.

"Boy?" He counters eloquently.

For an infinite moment, he is scanned by Mrs. Chen's old lady laser beam eyes. Then she points accusingly at his feet.

"Purple shoe! Who you kidding?"

Lex feels betrayed by his footwear. He quickly assures Mrs. Chen he'll let her know how things go with "this boy", and promises to give her all the details over mahjong one of these nights.

He smiles at the idea have having someone to bring home. He smiles wider at the idea of having someone at home for that person to meet.

Even though his mind is almost always on Clark, when Lex meets Maggie and it's love at first sight.

He comes home one day to find her sitting on the front stoop of all places. He smiles at her, but passes, climbing the porch steps to the front door.

As it opens, he hears a sigh and turns back.

She's soaked from the day's rain and looks up at him with sad brown eyes.

Lex wipes a hand down his face in a gesture that's at first contemplative, then becomes defeated. Against his better judgment, he asks:

"Would you like to come up to my place?"

She cocks her head in thought.

And then barks.

Lex leads her up the stairs and into #4, and she waits until the living room to shake the rain out.

She's wearing a simple, dark pink collar with one tag that only says "MAGGIE". A patch-work of black and white, she's a medium-sized dog with mostly short fur that tufts around the neck, chest and tail. Her ears point straight up when alert, thought the left gets lazy, bending at the corner. Her white-tipped tail wags with dog-joy as Lex dries her with a thrift store towel.

He jogs down to the corner store for dog food, calling the police and animal shelter on the way. No one seems to be missing her but he refuses to put up flyers.

It would be like advertising for something he doesn't want to sell.

In the morning, Maggie jumps onto the bed to nudge whatever parts of Lex aren't covered. Her nose is icy and intent and prompts Lex into getting up much better than his alarm ever did. He lets her out into the courtyard where she does her business in record time, running back to his side in moments to avoid getting wet.

Lex loves being greeted at the door whenever he returns from errands or coffee. Maggie does an excited dog-dance while he takes off his wet sweatshirt. Then she sits, tail thumping wildly, waiting to be petted. The unabashed affection makes Lex's heart tighten in the best way. When he sits on the couch, she sprawls, head in his lap for belly rubs and behind-the-ear scratching.

Maggie an easy-going, happy and independent dog who seems so dislike only two things: rain and the orange, hall-dwelling monster. Lucky for her, the weather seems to be improving daily, and since her arrival, the cat now stays in apartment #3.

Lois is also more cautious, not wanting to bump into the two of them for fear of "getting dog all over her". Lex wonders briefly how this is different than having "cat all over her". But as long as she watches where she's going, he could care less.

Mr. Bloom is overjoyed at not having to fear opening his door any longer. Maggie doesn't chase or even bark at Jerry, and even though she's a mix of other mixes, Ira swears he "had one just like her when he was a kid".

Mrs. Chen assesses Maggie with a cool look. Maggie sits politely, still and quiet and Mrs. Chen pats her once on the head. Maggie's tail wags and Mrs. Chen almost cracks a smile. Instead she says to Lex:

"Does that boy like dogs?"

Lex hadn't thought about it.

So when the weather clears up, Lex takes Maggie out for coffee, hoping it isn't too weird to want Clark to meet her.

If Clark's eyes light up when Lex enters the shop (which they do), they go megawatt when he sees Maggie. He pretty much drops a tray of muffins on the counter and abandons a line of customers, bee lining for them.

After a full minute of Maggie getting all the attention, Lex gets jealous (yes, she's pretty and a good girl. He gets it.) and clears his throat.

Twice before he's noticed.

"Oh, sorry," Familiar duck-and-blush. "She's just so cute!" Clark scrubs her head affectionately. "And so well-behaved." He scratches the center of Maggie's chest, making her back left leg quiver. "How long have you had her?"

"Not long." Lex looks between the two most adorable creatures he's ever seen. "I found her, actually."

"She's a lucky girl."

Lex's eyes widen. This is going a lot better than he had hoped.

Clark's blushing harder now, and Lex's mouth starts talking without getting brain clearance first.

"Would you like to go out with me? Maybe get …-" Lex is about to say "a coffee", but his brain catches up in time. "-dinner?"

"I'd love to."

Not even a pause.

Clark pets Maggie one last time. "I get off at 6 tomorrow. Meet me here?"

"It's a date."

When Clark smiles at him this time, huge and happy, Lex isn't so jealous anymore.

The following morning when Lex wakes, the memory of making a date with Clark hits him like lightning. He does not admit to himself that he's nervous. He admits it to Maggie.

"I'm nervous, Maggie." She jumps up on the bed, burrowing under the covers until she's face-to-face with Lex.

"What if he doesn't like me?"

Maggie licks his nose. It's as reassuring as it is disgusting.

"What if he wants to come back here? What if he meets-" Lex imagines snap-shots of run-ins with any or all of his neighbors. "-anyone?"

Mrs. Chen grinning up at Clark like a dragon. "You good for him. He need to get lucky."

Mr. Bloom in his shorts and sock garters. "You like Sinatra? Let me find my accordion…"

Or Lois. He shudders.

Maggie shimmies out from under the comforter and starts pulling it off the bed, which distracts Lex from imagining Clark's handsome face covered in claw marks.

"Ok, I'm up."

And Lex doesn't want him to meet the cat, either.

It takes Lex what some would call "an hour" to lay out his clothes for the date. He finally decides on a lavender polo, dark jeans and the ubiquitous purple sneakers.

"Too gay?"

Maggie cocks her head.

Lex sighs. "Purple shoes. Who am I kidding?" He muses, and begins undressing for his shower.

"By the way," He says conversationally, shirt half over his head. "If I get lucky tonight, you're getting locked in the spare bedroom." He looks at Maggie critically.

She whines.

"I'll give you bacon."

Unlike the others so far, "bacon" a word Maggie understands. She sits up, alert. Once it becomes clear, however, that bacon is not imminent, she goes to the living room and retrieves a tug-of-war rope. She drops at Lex's feet expectantly.

"Sorry, Mags, I have to take a shower. After, ok?" He gives her an allover rub-and-scratch. "I promise."

Maggie gives Lex an assessing look (that eerily reminds him of Mrs. Chen) and concedes.

For now.

When Lex emerges from the steam cloud of the bathroom, Maggie perks up and jumps from her perch on the couch. She watches him for a moment as he applies cologne. When he turns and smiles down at her, she lunges, grabbing the edge of the towel and pulling.

"Maggie. No."

She merely cocks her head, clearly not falling for this obvious ruse.

"No tug, Maggie. Let. Go."

Maggie growls and pulls Lex into the living room, tail wagging all the way. Lex just goes with it for the most part, trying not to laugh since that always seems to egg her on. He really does need to get ready.

They get as far as the front hall when a loud knock sounds at the door.

Maggie pauses, ears perked and keeping her hold.

Lex is surprised at the sudden slack and freedom to move, and leans quickly to grab a hold of the front door knob to keep from falling over.

The knob turns as Lex shifts weight to his hand when Maggie stars pulling again.

The door swings open wildly and Lex stumbles back a step.

Clark is standing in the hallway. Eyes wide and mouth gaping, looking at Lex like he's a piece to a really huge, complicated puzzle. Before Lex can ask… anything, Clark blurts:

"Steve's dead!"

Lex's mind feels overfull, not wanting to accept any more data at this time. He reboots for a moment.

"What?"

Maggie, no concept of awkward social situations, continues to pull. Lex has to hang on to the towel and ignore her at the same time because Clark is here and is also obviously freaking out.

"I- he- I was supposed to take him to the doctor today because Lois is busy, so she gave me a key and he was. Dead. Already." Clark pulls a frustrated hand up through his hair.

"Ok, clam down. Whatever happened, it's not your fault." Lex reassures him as best one can, when one is mostly naked. "We'll just call the police-"

"What!" Clark's eyes bug.

"-and Lois and-"

"No! Lois can't know! She'll think I did it!"

Lex pauses. "Why would she think you killed her boyfriend?"

Now Clark looks freaked out and confused.

"Boyfriend? What-"

This is when Maggie puts all her dog-might into the next pull, whipping the towel off Lex's hips and sprawling back into the apartment.

Lex freezes.

Clark gets an eyeful then snaps his head up. Flaming red and in total shock, he stammers:

"Oh my God- sorry- I- I'll just-" He turns around quickly.

Lex is calm, though a bit dazed and chilly. "If you'll excuse me." He backs into his apartment, and shuts the door, leaving Clark in the hallway.

Lex finds Maggie, wagging and proud, sitting on the bed.

"Thanks for that."

She dog-smiles at him winningly and he relents, rubbing her belly. Then he gets dressed.

Lex exits the apartment a few minutes later, locking the door behind him.

Clark turns around slowly, peeking with one eye first, as if thinking (hoping?) Lex would return to the hall naked. Then he smiles, blush still evident but receding.

"You look, um, great."

"Thanks." Lex pockets his keys and wallet, giving Clark a once-over. He's similarly dressed: sneakers and jeans with a tight kelly green tee screen printed with the words "Smallville Summer Fair 2002".

The shirt makes something turn over in Lex's mind but he doesn't have time to think about it now. Instead he says "So do you." And then:

"Where's the body?"

Maybe it's a little inappropriate and a lot insensitive, but Lex laughs.

Clark looks at him, aghast.

He looks back, eyebrows raised, incredulous.

"It's a cat."

"It's Lois's cat!

"Exactly. Lois's evil, demonic, satanic, now-dead cat. Named Steve." Lex gazes at the ex-cat, curled up in his bed as if asleep. "Frankly I don't see a problem here."

The expression on Clark's face leads Lex to believe that maybe Clark thinks the cat was a person, or at least a contributing member of cat society. Or at least not a total dick.

"The problem is, Lois is going to be pissed and freak out! She hates me enough as it is!"

Clark pulls both hands up through his already messy black hair, standing it on end.

Lex tries not to laugh again.

"Why are you friends with her?"

Clark looks as if he's never pondered this before. He pauses for a moment, thoughtful. "I don't have that many friends. I'm not always… reliable," He shrugs. "And I guess I'm a total dork or something."

Lex can't fathom how this friendly, gorgeous guy is a total dork. Or how dealing with a non-friend's (now dead) cat is unreliable.

"Anyway, I guess it's just easier to stay friends with her than to tell her to go to hell. She's-"

"Kind of a bitch?" Lex supplies.

Clark laughs. "Yeah."

Lex bumps Clark's shoulder with his own. "What do you say we ditch this dead cat and go to Applebee's?"

Clark's brows and lips twitch into an expression that seems both amused and seasick.

"Wow. Do you use that line on all the boys?"

Lex raises his chin, grinning slowly. "Only the total dorks."

They have a small funeral for Steve in the courtyard. He is placed in one of Lois's Prada shoeboxes and buried under a wild rose bush near the back of the lot. Clark thinks they should say a few words, and Lex recites "Meow Mix, please deliver us from evil-" in a solemn tone until he gets kicked in the leg.

Clark places a small catnip mouse over the loose dirt and deadpans:

"We need to get a new cat."

"It would appear so." Lex gives Steve one last moment of silence. "But after dinner. Right now I want a fruity drink in a big glass and something served in a cast-iron skillet."

Clark nods. "You're buying."

Lex nods. "You're driving."

"I like that one."

"It's not even orange!"

"She won't notice."

"Lex!" Clark laughs, both delighted and scandalized. "She'll notice."

"You give her too much credit."

Shopping for a replacement for your bitch neighbor's evil cat is a lot more fun than Lex had expected. He addresses a passing volunteer:

"Excuse me, can you show us everything you have in orange?"

The girl stares at him and Clark quickly apologizes, saying they're just browsing.

Lex tries on an innocent look. "You know this would be easier if they were better organized!"

They continue to stroll side-by-side down the row of cages.

"Yes, they should… categorize them."

Lex snorts a laugh against his will. "You did not just say that."

When Clark tries innocent, he's much better at it. Lex can't resist:

"They should compile a.. catalogue."

They both burst into laughter this time and the volunteers look at them like they've been huffing glue.

Clark wanders ahead when Lex gets preoccupied looking at a big, older cat that looks like a mix between a Persian and a moss-covered tree trunk. It has yellow owl eyes and long, swamp brown hair. It reminds him of his father so much he almost smells cigars and brandy. He's compelled to gaze at it's unblinking, judgmental face.

Lex is much more of a dog person: they love you unconditionally. Cats make you earn it.

Clark interrupts Lex's stare-down by taking his hand and pulling him down the aisle.

"You have to see this one; he's perfect!"

The warm hand in his makes Lex's whole body flush. He tightens the hold and follows, smiling to himself.

Clark agrees with the volunteer (one they haven't scared away) when she suggests they spend time with the cat before taking him home. She leads them to a little room and leaves the three of them to "bond".

The cat lets Clark pick him up, pet him. Clark puts him down and the cat briefly twines between his feet. The cat likes Clark.

But the cat loves Lex. Rubs his whiskered little cheeks all over his pant legs, purring and mewing constantly.

Lex crouches to chance a scratch behind the ear and the cat instantly leaps onto his knee, smooshing his face into Lex's chest. His back ripples when Lex runs a hand over it.

Lex looks up at Clark, whose eyes are wide with amusement and lips are pursed from holding back a laugh.

"Should I leave you two alone?" He jokes.

Lex pets the cat again, feeling the pleased shivers and rumbling purr.

"I don’t know." He looks back up at Clark, contemplative. "Maybe."

Clark laughs again and Lex feels a shiver go down his spine, too.

Clark's nervous on the way back to Lex's building, and Lex assures him (repeatedly) there's nothing to worry about. Even the new cat is calm in the back seat of Clark's Corolla, asleep in the carrier.

However, Clark is not reassured, especially when Lex keeps referring to the new cat as "Steve", complete with suspicious over-emphasis and air quotes.

"Replacement cat: $60. Getting away with the perfect crime: priceless."

When they stop at a red light, Lex gets punched in the shoulder.

Clark hyperventilates all the way from the car to apartment #3. Lex holds the cat carrier with a forced blank expression and knocks.

The door flies open. Lois is standing there, turned mostly away, attention focused on the living room TV. She glances, double takes, then glares at Lex.

"What are you doing here?" Then immediately to Clark: "What took you so long?"

Lex and Clark answer "I live here." and "The appointment ran long." simultaneously.

Lois half listens to them, reaching blindly for the carrier, eyes back on the TV.

"Whatever, Love and Doctors is on and it's a new one!" At the commercial break, she manhandles the carrier from Lex. "Steve and I can't miss the hot X-Ray tech, can we?" She baby talks, disturbingly.

"Steve" hisses, stabbing a claw through the bars at her. Lois scoffs. "He's always grumpy after seeing the doctor. Like he's a totally different cat or something."

Clark chokes but Lois doesn't notice. She's already slammed the door in their faces when Lex doubles over in laughter.

"Why did you come over when you saw the cat was dead?"

"Lois left a sticky note on the table." Clark turns his head a little, grinning. "It said 'If Steve won't go in the carrier, get the neighbor. Give him mitts.'"

They both laugh.

"I had no idea what that meant but I didn't know what else to do!" He nudges Lex with his elbow. "Mitts?"

Lex is sly. "I've… been known to come in handy around the building. Mitts are just one of the tools of the trade."

It's dusk and they're walking through Lex's neighborhood. The air is still warm from the day and blinking here and there with fireflies. For blocks, the street has been free of cars, so they've been walking down the middle of it.

They pass groups of kids playing basketball or riding bikes. There's even some drawing chalk murals while they still have sunlight and a few power-walking moms (minus the strollers). Lex waves at them and Clark gives him a look.

"You seem to be pretty handy to Lois," Lex says, leadingly.

Clark sighs.

"Yeah, I'm kind of everyone's go-to guy." The way he says it is resigned. Tired.

They walk in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"So, Smallville, what do you do when you're not serving coffee and killing cats?"

Clark's face is splashed with surprise. He gathers his thoughts for a second.

"I go to the University," Clark puts his hands in his pockets. "Anthropology major."

"The study of humanity." Lex nods, impressed. "Very noble."

"Sometimes." Clark shrugs and there's something there, something deeper. "I… volunteer. When I can."

They arrive at a park that's mostly the slope of a great, green hill overlooking the U campus and its surrounding areas. The view is a Kinkade, saturated with color and lights. They meander to a bench and sit.

"What do you do besides quit high-profile business jobs to run away and help elderly neighbors?"

Lex is taken aback. "How did you know about that?"

"Lois told me. After you moved in." Clark says, sheepish.

"What did she say?"

"Just that 'Luther' lived across the hall, and they he helped the landlord a lot."

Lex laughs, amused. "Must have missed that conversation" Lex mumbles under his breath.

Clark gives him another odd look, but continues. "I assumed it was a first name. I didn't know it was you until you opened the door. And I didn't put Lois's neighbor Luthor together with the Lex I knew until you went back inside change. Then I put the Luthor and Lex together and remembered a Daily Planet article from when you first went to work for your dad." Clark flushes, a little embarrassed. "Your family was kind of a big deal in my home town."

Lex thinks about this for a minute.

"So all the times I came to get coffee, you really didn't know who I was?"

Clark reaches over and takes Lex's hand.

"Just my favorite customer."

The hill suddenly seems really far up and Lex might be a little dizzy. He looks down at their hands.

"So it doesn't bother you?"

"Oh yeah, a hot millionaire that likes coffee and comic books." He slaps his forehead with his free hand. "What was I thinking?"

Lex tugs his hand lightly, serious. "You know what I mean. I was raised under and worked for a business with a-" Lex wants to be honest, but not to blow this. "… not so reputable reputation."

Clark looks into his eyes, just as serious. "I once put whole milk in a skinny latte." His lips quirk. "Oh and I dropped a muffin on the floor and still served it, but that doesn't make me a bad person."

Lex drops Clark's hand, horrified.

"Yes, actually, it does." He moves as if to get up from the bench, but Clark pulls him back, laughing. Lex sits again, closer this time, feeling the heat of Clark along his side from shoulder to knee.

They sit and people-watch for long minutes while the sun melts into the horizon. Kite-flyers and folfers retreat up or down the hill as twilight descends.

Clark's voice is quiet:

"Were you happy?"

"I was rich." Lex states. "Does that count?"

"No." Clark takes his hand again. "So did you quit because of the money?"

Lex chuckles. "No, it wasn't the money. I loved the money. Still do." His eyes drift out over the city, at the business district. Luthorcorp Towers looks so different from on this side of town. Like any other building. "I wanted something more."

Lex looks at Clark. Clark's dark, green eyes, dark, breeze-ruffled hair.

"More?"

Clark leans in, closer.

"Yeah," Lex breathes. "I wanted…" He kisses Clark and it's warm, wet. "Coffee."

Clark smiles and Lex kisses him again.

It's long, long moments before they part.

They make out in the hallway, against the door with the brass #4 pressing into the back of Lex's head.

It's fantastic.

When the door to apartment #2 opens, they break apart. Traveling Antique Showcase echoes into the foyer and Jerry squawks:

"Bye lady!" and Mr. Bloom calls: "Let's do this again sometime, Viv!"

Mrs. Chen titters. "Next time we play mahjong!"

The door to #2 shuts and the hallway is quiet. Lex puts a finger to his lips and he and Clark hold their breath. Then the door to #1 opens but there's a pause.

"Lex?"

Lex swallows. He calls back down:

"Yes, Mrs. Chen?"

"Bring that boy to dinner tomorrow!"

Lex looks at Clark who looks like he's about to cry from not laughing.

"Yes Mrs. Chen! Good night!"

The door to #1 closes and Lex thumps his head back against his own door, exhaling heavily. He opens an eye and sees Clark's face stretched wide with a grin.

"Shut up."

The grin becomes a leer.

"You don't have to come to dinner, I'll just tell her-"

"I want to."

They just look at each other. Still close. Still touching.

"Well, good night," Clark says, going in for another kiss. Which becomes two.

"Good night," Lex agrees, threading his fingers into Clark's hair, kissing him again. And again.

"Or," Clark pants, resting his forehead against Lex's. "Good morning…?"

Lex quirks a brow.

Clark murmurs, only a little shyly:

"I don't want to say goodbye."

Lex immediately reaches for the knob behind him, and they tumble inside, kissing and laughing all the way.

That night, Maggie gets locked in the spare room. But that's ok.

She has bacon.